An exchange with an acquaintance about my running goals this
year made me realize how important my perception of my ultra-running might be
to my success at achieving the goals I’ve set myself. What others think about
what I do may stroke the ego but is actually either irrelevant or even
dangerous.
The exchange can be summarised as follows (much less fluid
since it took me a while to actually admit to what I had planned for the
year—more about that below):
“So, good holidays?”
“No bad, kept the training going.”
“Ah yeah? What are your plans this year?”
“Well… A 50-miler early March, then 100-miler with 23’000
feet of elevation mid-April, I hope to squeeze in the Geneva marathon two weeks
later, then I’ll enjoy the summer a bit before doing an Ironman end of August,
and finally I’d really like to do a sub-10 hour 100km race end September, but
we’ll have to see how the speed training goes…”
Having immersed myself since last year in blogs by
mad hatters like James Adams, who ran across the U.S. in 69 days and whose favourite race is the Spartathlon (which he's finished three times), or Paul Ali, who ran
in one year ran the Centurion Grand Slam (4 100-milers) + GUCR (145 miles) +
T184 Endurance Run (184 miles) + something like 6 marathons + a few 50-milers I think... Well, I haven’t come to
consider my own goals as particularly impressive, rather pedestrian in fact. Almost little league... I’m fine with it, and I’m not
trying to compete (I could never squeeze in that many races in a year even if
my body could take it), but it’s just
that it didn’t seem like anything particularly earth-shattering. But
summarizing the list of my goals for 2015 to an acquaintance made me realize
that “hey it’s not bad at all!”
For many, any one of those events could be a major goal for
the year, while for others it’s just taking it easy… It's useless to compare oneself to anyone else (we all have our own backgrounds and lives to deal with).
That’s fine, that’s a good place to be. Positive and proud
(therefore energized and excited about the year—nothing worse than being jaded).
But seeing the bewilderment in my acquaintance’s eyes (and words), my thought
immediately after that was: “Can I really do all that? Am I biting off more
than I can chew.” Particularly the sub 10-hour 100km… But then I realized: if I
don’t believe I can do it, then I won’t be able too…
The other dangerous thought is on the other spectrum:
“Indeed, am I not amazing to do all that?!”
Sure, no-one likes a braggart, but it’s more than that.
Since my DNF last August at the UT4M, I’ve decided to avoid
talking about any upcoming ultras with my friends, family (apart from my wife) and acquaintances. Here’s the thing: I might be alone in this,
and call me needy or attention-starved or lacking in self-esteem, but I do
derive some sense of pride and satisfaction at the perceived craziness of
running ultras. That said, it should really only come after actually running the race - but so often you get the glory beforehand. And though training for an ultra is certainly worthy of admiration, and that admiration is earned whether the race is completed or not. I realized last year when speaking
about the UT4M with its 104 miles and 35’000 feet of elevation gain that people
reacted as if I had already done it - and I bought into it! I began to believe it myself…
Now there’s a difference between tackling a challenge with a positive mindframe and the conviction that “I can do it” (it won’t guarantee success, but if you line up at the start of an ultra—or any challenge—thinking “I can’t do this”, you’ll definitely fail!), and somehow feeling that you’ve already achieved your goal. I am now convinced that this undeserved sense of achievement contributed to my being unprepared for the pain and suffering of the race. I thought, somehow, that it would be easier and I wasn't ready to bear the tough times. In Jordan, when it got rough I was looking for ways to overcome whatever was bother me; at the UT4M, I started thinking of reasons to quit.
Now there’s a difference between tackling a challenge with a positive mindframe and the conviction that “I can do it” (it won’t guarantee success, but if you line up at the start of an ultra—or any challenge—thinking “I can’t do this”, you’ll definitely fail!), and somehow feeling that you’ve already achieved your goal. I am now convinced that this undeserved sense of achievement contributed to my being unprepared for the pain and suffering of the race. I thought, somehow, that it would be easier and I wasn't ready to bear the tough times. In Jordan, when it got rough I was looking for ways to overcome whatever was bother me; at the UT4M, I started thinking of reasons to quit.
So the key is gaining some perspective: setting oneself some
goals that are a little scary and uncertain in terms of success (otherwise
where’s the challenge and bravery and learning curve?), yet considering them
normal and achievable and definitely not feeling in awe of oneself until they
have actually been achieved!
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